Dreaded Deception

Dreaded Deception

It has been brought to my attention that men and women are not only into playing games with each other nowadays, but the games are never ending. If he plays one she has to play two. This has got to stop! I mean honestly just say what’s on your mind rather then string someone along at your convenience. That’s not the issue that I want to press however it is a growing pain.

So today’s topic, “DREADED Deception”, what does this mean you may ask? It’s simple… there is always a fear that lies deep within the hearts and minds of anyone who has been or is in love and that is deceit. I don’t know about you but I dread being deceived. After you have put so much work and emotions into the relationship, BAM, you find out the he/she has deceived you. What do you do? What can you do? Cry? No, you shouldn’t cry, you should get EVEN! I’m just kidding about the getting even part but you should feel free to express yourself. Never keep feelings bottled up inside because when held in they intensify and you end up releasing them at the wrong time. Well, Extra, how can I keep myself from the “Dreaded Deception?” I’m glad you asked. Here are a few tips that should come in handy…

1. First of all, know what you’re getting yourself into before you even allow yourself to become intimate with someone. Too much intimacy too soon can cause you to feel too many emotions that may not even be honest or pure… you could suffer from lust/infatuation and this is a huge mistake. More people get hurt behind being in lust than being in love. Love doesn’t hurt you but lust with kill you and drive you crazy.
2. Be clear of your intentions whether you are looking for a relationship, friendship, physical relationship or a lack there of. You never know, your companion may be looking for the same thing or similar but never trick them into thinking that you want something more than what you actually intend. This is how many people, females mainly get hurt. Men, can’t you see that if you want something all you have to do is ask, Of course women play hard to get but times are changing… we are trying to get it just like you. All you have to do is find a WOMAN who is not into playing games and gets straight to business. We love to talk and get to know you but honestly, talking can come later. SOMETIMES
3. Share your feelings. If you aren’t feeling the situation anymore be honest about it. Don’t just ignore calls and texts thinking “He/she will get the message”. NEWS FLASH! They will not get the message. They will spend hours if not days wondering what mistake they made when they didn’t do anything wrong. You were just too selfish to admit that you only wanted what they did to you and for you for a short period of time, if at all. Tell them the truth. A simple conversation will clear up the air and save your name from being tainted. Trust me ladies, men have to power to ruin you faster than you have to power to ruin them. Men talk just as much or more than women and this is BAD! Oh and ladies, a word of advice, if you’re going to sleep with a guy on the first date or meeting, be good, be very good that way he’ll at least be interested in you for a short time.
4. Be sure to return calls and texts if you are interested in someone because after a while, they may begin to think that you are uninterested and lose interest in you all together. In order to salvage whatever you have, just communicate! Communication is the key and if you like someone, you should let them know just how much. Just as quick as they come, they leave quicker.
5. Introduce them to your friends with a title. Whether it’s “my friend” “my girl or my man” any title is better than just a name. When you introduce them with a title at least they know where they stand with you. “This is David” could mean I picked him up off the side of the street and now I’m treating him to dinner before I return him to the shelter. Anyway, you get the picture.
6. If you don’t want people in your business then don’t tell anybody your business. People have the power to ruin whatever you have going on. Jealousy does exist and ladies, please believe that men get jealous of you when they want you but you don’t want them. They will attempt to put “salt” in your game and sometimes it does work because “boys” trust their friends more than they trust you. Notice I said boys, not men. Please refer to my book “The Lust for Love” for my definition on men and boys. Men, there are girls out here who have the mindset that if they can’t have you, no one will. Trust me, there are entire sites dedicated to professional athletes dating lives and ruining them. Google an NFL or NBA player and type girlfriend at the end… watch the site pop up. It’s hilarious actually.
7. I say this over and over again, if you’re going to talk to someone, talk to them and no one else. It’s very difficult to be honest with more than one person when you have five or six other people hounding you all of the time. It’s ok to have friends but don’t put someone you care about on the back burner just to have a fling! It’s not worth it. If it’s just about sex, I’m pretty sure he or she will give it to you but you have to be willing to show them that they can trust you with their feelings and their body. I don’t want anything from you that I didn’t already have, and babies are included. If you feel the need to sleep with multiple people, something is wrong with you. YES! I said something is wrong with you. You have some sort of disorder. One person can’t satisfy you? Come one with the B.S!

Ok, so I let it out today, big deal! It was on my heart and you asked so I delivered. I give the truth to you and if you don’t like, you just don’t know. Please take heed to my advice. There are so many men and women who question their worth and their confidence behind men ad women who have no intentions of taking it to the next level. Just be careful of what you get yourself into and who you draw into you. There are some people who aren’t able to handle rejection and you may have been their last hope at finding love. Just be honest, clear and upfront with people therefore avoiding the “Dreaded Deception”.

The Joy of Love

I'm sitting here listening to "Differences" and I am almost in tears. It's funny how listening to one song brings back so many memories. This song makes me feel happy, sad, angry, confused, and joyful all at once. My heart feels so heavy because of the feelings and memories that are attached to this song. The truth is that REAL LOVE is attached to this song. I am sure that some of you guys have that one song that makes you go back to the day you made it "your" song. How can you stand listening to it after love has come and gone?
I can not stand listening to my favorite songs anymore because of the message of being in love! I mean what is the big deal anyway? SO you're in love, big deal... keep it to yourself that's what I want to say. But the reality of it is that when you are truly in love you are not able to keep it to yourself. I wish that I was able to have love again... that warm feeling when i look into his eyes. The lingering kisses, the tight hugs.... fitting perfectly in his arms. Love. The one thing in whole world that is ours together, love. The only thing that makes me smile when I am having a bad day, love. I want to have that feeling, that emotion, express the action of love again. When love will you find your way back into my life?
I look at other's around me and they are married, have families, are in relationships and are happy. Then there is me, single sally. I mean rejected on national T.V by Ray J. Come on? For real? Like when will it be my turn again? When will I have the laughs, the tears, the company, the support, the companionship, the joy of love again? Why did love decide to leave me? Why did love move on and refuse to reconcile our differences? Why is love happy with everyone else but refuses to be happy with me? WHY love?
I mean I listen to all of these songs about loving, being in love, making love, and being happy but the truth is that love hurts. It hurts when it leaves you and it hurts when it is with you because you never know when it will leave you. Why are things so difficult? Why can't someone save me from my broken heart? When will I have happiness? When will love come back to me? If you ever loved me, love, please come back to me.

What I've been up to...

Hey you guys! I'm so sorry that I have been M.I.A for a couple weeks on this blog and in and out on my social networking BUT I have been super busy! Let's see where to start. Okay, I was interviewed by Gary with the Tea on 97.9 Fm/ The rickey Smiley Morning show last week and it was fab-u-lous Honey! I hosted three parties one at Lift Lounge in Dallas, a New Years Eve Party with Orlando Scandrick #32 of the Dallas Cowboys (by the way, HE IS SO FINE!) I also hosted a party at Go Fish Ocean Club in Dallas this past Saturday... the place was packed. If you're wondering, yes, I do a great job at hosting parties and I roll deep everywhere I go, just thought I'd slide that on in. Oh one more thing, be on the look out for POSITIVE EXCHANGE TV, I just finished a taping for it at CBS 11 studios in Fort Worth, Texas. Your girl is making moves in 2010. I have another radio interview at the end of this week and my team is closing a lot of deals as we speak! Thank GOD!
In other news, I am currently working very closely with a well known rapper, two very funny comedians/personalities, and a very handsome/talented/ambitious DJ on a sitcom! The script is TIGHT! (IDK if i'm using that word correctly) Anyway, be on the look out for this HOT NEW COMEDY SERIES! Oh, also if you are in Dallas and the surrounding areas or you're going to be in town for ALL STAR WEEKEND, keep your ears peeled and your eyes open on EVERYTHING EXTRA. Guys especially if you're looking for "EXTRA LUV". I can't give too much information just yet but next week... it's ON like King Kong! Lmao.
I have been working on getting a release date for my book... we are just waiting on the RIGHT offer if you get my drift. Let's see, oh also you guys will be happy to know that EXTRALUV Tv is currently in production mode! I'm making moves and you'll be satisfied once you see the finished product. In addition to EXTRA LUV Tv, I will be hosting a NEW video countdown show that is currently in production as well. I told you guys that I have been SUPER BUSY! I am also working on MY MOVIE. That's right, EXTRA has her own MOVIE ( sorry for speaking in the thrid person) coming soon...
Ok so that's everything EXTRA I think. If you're not already, follow me on twitter @THEVh1Extra and add my facebook pages Sharmisa "MISI" Garner, Extra fortheloveofrayj and my "EXTRA" fan page. For more infomation or to contact me... go to www.EXTRALUV.com

SEE YA WHEN I SEE YA!

-Spread Extra Luv not hate....

"EXTRA"

Number Exchange...

So, what do you do when you are attracted to someone and you aren't really sure of what to say? Do you ask for their number or offer yours? Of course you don't! You have to sit back and examine the situation. Spark casual conversation and get to know the other person. If nervousness kicks in just smile and say something! The worst thing you could do in a situation like this is remain silent. Be witty, tell a joke, offer a compliment, just do something! Nine times out of ten the other person is probably experiencing the same nervousness so someone has to break the ice.
You may ask how do I approach someone who is out of my league? What’s out of your league? The only person that determines who you can and can't have is YOU! Don't try to be too direct too soon. Become friends with the other person and get to know their likes and dislikes and what they do and don't do and just a little bit about them. Make sure that you have something in common with them so that you'll always have something to talk about. If you can't hold a conversation in person or via the internet for that matter, what makes you think that you'll be able to keep their attention in a relationship?
Ladies, sometimes men just want to get to know a little about you before they ask for your number. They want to make sure that you're interesting enough to keep their attention mentally, not just physically. Therefore ladies do not direct the conversation towards sex. If you do this the only thing that the man will come to you for is sex and he will continue to pursue someone who is not as easy as you are. Remember, men love to chase you. Don't make it too easy for them but don't play games either. If you want sex then go for it but prepared to be labeled.
Guys, women can not read your mind so say what you mean and don't talk in circles. Don't offer up hints because we won't read into them. If you are interested then give her your number, and then if she shares interest she will call. If you are serious then show her how serious you are by giving her an open line of communication. A real woman will give her honest opinion up front... if she is interested you will know it. Also, don't try to spit game at us... we HATE IT! But, don't lead us on either. If you have no intention of getting to know who we are and what we are about then don't entertain our conversation and ask open ended questions.
Playing games gets us nowhere so why not just come out and say what's on your mind? If you are interested in someone whether you are male or female let them know, otherwise you will walk around questioning yourself and their motives which is added stress that you don't need. Also, don't read too much into the situation. Sometimes people just want someone to talk to and have no interest in a romantic or intimate relationship. Sometimes men generally just want a friendship, but I can't really say the same for ladies.
It's really all about confidence. If you are that anxious to get to know EVERYTHING about someone then go for it... ask for their number and get shot down. The best thing to do is to let whatever is going to happen... happen. If you force something on someone you may mess up whatever it is that could have taken place. If it doesn't fit, it doesn't fit. Ladies and gentlemen, all I’m saying is that before you exchange numbers... think about what you are really asking for.

Relationships.... "Can we talk"

I'm sitting here listening to Tevin Campbell's "Can We Talk" and now I have a major concern. Why am I hearing the question "Can We Talk" these days in a totally different context? In this song Tevin is expressing to a young woman how much he wants to get to know her and he vividly describes what he'd do to get her attention. He is basically pouring his heart out to a total stranger just because she looks like someone that he could fall in love with. It's a typical "Love a first Sight" type of thing going on. In saying that...whatever happened to the time when a man was actually A MAN and pursued a woman? What happened to women allowing men to pursue them while remaining every bit a of a lady? I'll tell you what's going on. Men and women nowadays have become all too comfortable with casual dating and SEX instead of actually taking the time to get to know one another. Call me insane but it's true. Everywhere you go, you see a group of guys and a group of girls.... all seeking a possible mate. Don't get me wrong, I do think that it's fine for both men and women to hang out with their friends and "peep" dating prospects, but how far do you think that you'll get with someone in front of your friends? If and when you are serious about wanting to get to know the person inside of someone... you'll approach them without your friends. Think about it... how often are our friends encouraging us to "holla" at people knowing that we are dating someone or are just interested in a casual sex type of involvement? ALWAYS! Friends are the last people you should go to for advice about relationships unless they are seriously involved or are your REAL friend. Anyway, getting off of the friend subject, we should get more serious about getting to know a person for who they are and not for what you want from them. Anyone can carry on a ten minute conversation full of lines and lies and end up in the bed together... but what happens after that? Nothing if you're lucky. Beginning a relationship with sex is a big NO NO. You've already escalated the situation without having examined the other person mentally and emotionally. He or she could be a complete PSYCHO, but how would you know unless you get to know them for more than five minutes? The purpose of asking "Can we Talk" should actually be to talk and not sleep together right off. Take an interest in the other person and invest time in them. When you invest your time and attention in someone, you begin to appreciate them and they gain respect and appreciation for you also. If you never allow yourself to take a step back and look at people with your heart instead of your eyes you will never gain the satisfaction of actually gaining a friend and a possible companion. It is imperative that we talk and get an understanding of intentions prior to engaging in sexual activity because sex changes everything. It takes the situation to a place that is uncontrollable. Once the line is crossed too early... something that could have been a successful relationship turns into an enticing sexcapade. Ladies, believe it or not there are still some men out there who are willing to invest their time in you but you can make or break the situation. Men vibe off of what you give off. If your conversation is directed toward sex then they will obviously take it there as well. Don't play games because in the end it will back fire! Men, be clear of your intentions right off because if all you're wanting is sex then give women the option to participate, don't take the situation for granted. But if you are seriously interested in a woman, let her know. Express yourself freely and don't be afraid to open your heart and mind because as you know women love that! In closing... as the question "Can we talk" and then take advantage of the opportunity to possible fall in love! -Extra

Extra vs Sharmisa

I am sure that many people are wondering "Just what the hell is wrong with Extra"? Well, I am hoping to shed some light on both Extra and Sharmisa. The truth of the matter is that Extra is the super ego of Sharmisa. I, Sharmisa, am nothing like Extra; in fact I am the total opposite. For years and years of my life I have dealt with people picking on me and threatening me and over time I put up a defense recently named EXTRA by Ray j. Going on the show was a major step for me and I could have never completed the task without having morphed into EXTRA. Sure, may be I should have been myself but I wouldn't have lasted past the first episode if I had even been cast at all. I had to be EXTRA because she is not shy, she doesn't care about what people say about her, she is very aggressive and outgoing and I am none of these things. I am very shy when I first meet people meaning I am somewhat afraid of opening up right away. I do care about what people think of me, I am very humble and submissive and I do have a heart of gold. But too often my kindness has been taken for weakness and I was not willing to allow anyone to see the soft and nurturing side of me in a competition. I did have feelings for Ray J, but I found it most difficult to express them openly without seeming desperate. Honestly, the most desperate thing that someone can do for love is to go on a reality show. Did I need to go on the show to find love? May be. Did i really believe that Ray would like me? No. I believed that Ray would like Extra more because she is fun and spontaneous. I would have never "split" for Ray in a dress unless I was at a football game and I was head cheerleader. However, for entertainment purposes, I had to come out of my shell and be everything that i despise about women. Loud, classless, bossy, conceited, and willing to do almost anything for attention. People are correct in their perception of Extra for the most part. I would however like everyone to know that Extra and Sharmisa are tow different egos within one body. I am Sharmisa everyday, but in a setting where I feel threatened, i will become Extra. Read all about me at ExtraLuv.com