Number Exchange...

So, what do you do when you are attracted to someone and you aren't really sure of what to say? Do you ask for their number or offer yours? Of course you don't! You have to sit back and examine the situation. Spark casual conversation and get to know the other person. If nervousness kicks in just smile and say something! The worst thing you could do in a situation like this is remain silent. Be witty, tell a joke, offer a compliment, just do something! Nine times out of ten the other person is probably experiencing the same nervousness so someone has to break the ice.
You may ask how do I approach someone who is out of my league? What’s out of your league? The only person that determines who you can and can't have is YOU! Don't try to be too direct too soon. Become friends with the other person and get to know their likes and dislikes and what they do and don't do and just a little bit about them. Make sure that you have something in common with them so that you'll always have something to talk about. If you can't hold a conversation in person or via the internet for that matter, what makes you think that you'll be able to keep their attention in a relationship?
Ladies, sometimes men just want to get to know a little about you before they ask for your number. They want to make sure that you're interesting enough to keep their attention mentally, not just physically. Therefore ladies do not direct the conversation towards sex. If you do this the only thing that the man will come to you for is sex and he will continue to pursue someone who is not as easy as you are. Remember, men love to chase you. Don't make it too easy for them but don't play games either. If you want sex then go for it but prepared to be labeled.
Guys, women can not read your mind so say what you mean and don't talk in circles. Don't offer up hints because we won't read into them. If you are interested then give her your number, and then if she shares interest she will call. If you are serious then show her how serious you are by giving her an open line of communication. A real woman will give her honest opinion up front... if she is interested you will know it. Also, don't try to spit game at us... we HATE IT! But, don't lead us on either. If you have no intention of getting to know who we are and what we are about then don't entertain our conversation and ask open ended questions.
Playing games gets us nowhere so why not just come out and say what's on your mind? If you are interested in someone whether you are male or female let them know, otherwise you will walk around questioning yourself and their motives which is added stress that you don't need. Also, don't read too much into the situation. Sometimes people just want someone to talk to and have no interest in a romantic or intimate relationship. Sometimes men generally just want a friendship, but I can't really say the same for ladies.
It's really all about confidence. If you are that anxious to get to know EVERYTHING about someone then go for it... ask for their number and get shot down. The best thing to do is to let whatever is going to happen... happen. If you force something on someone you may mess up whatever it is that could have taken place. If it doesn't fit, it doesn't fit. Ladies and gentlemen, all I’m saying is that before you exchange numbers... think about what you are really asking for.

Relationships.... "Can we talk"

I'm sitting here listening to Tevin Campbell's "Can We Talk" and now I have a major concern. Why am I hearing the question "Can We Talk" these days in a totally different context? In this song Tevin is expressing to a young woman how much he wants to get to know her and he vividly describes what he'd do to get her attention. He is basically pouring his heart out to a total stranger just because she looks like someone that he could fall in love with. It's a typical "Love a first Sight" type of thing going on. In saying that...whatever happened to the time when a man was actually A MAN and pursued a woman? What happened to women allowing men to pursue them while remaining every bit a of a lady? I'll tell you what's going on. Men and women nowadays have become all too comfortable with casual dating and SEX instead of actually taking the time to get to know one another. Call me insane but it's true. Everywhere you go, you see a group of guys and a group of girls.... all seeking a possible mate. Don't get me wrong, I do think that it's fine for both men and women to hang out with their friends and "peep" dating prospects, but how far do you think that you'll get with someone in front of your friends? If and when you are serious about wanting to get to know the person inside of someone... you'll approach them without your friends. Think about it... how often are our friends encouraging us to "holla" at people knowing that we are dating someone or are just interested in a casual sex type of involvement? ALWAYS! Friends are the last people you should go to for advice about relationships unless they are seriously involved or are your REAL friend. Anyway, getting off of the friend subject, we should get more serious about getting to know a person for who they are and not for what you want from them. Anyone can carry on a ten minute conversation full of lines and lies and end up in the bed together... but what happens after that? Nothing if you're lucky. Beginning a relationship with sex is a big NO NO. You've already escalated the situation without having examined the other person mentally and emotionally. He or she could be a complete PSYCHO, but how would you know unless you get to know them for more than five minutes? The purpose of asking "Can we Talk" should actually be to talk and not sleep together right off. Take an interest in the other person and invest time in them. When you invest your time and attention in someone, you begin to appreciate them and they gain respect and appreciation for you also. If you never allow yourself to take a step back and look at people with your heart instead of your eyes you will never gain the satisfaction of actually gaining a friend and a possible companion. It is imperative that we talk and get an understanding of intentions prior to engaging in sexual activity because sex changes everything. It takes the situation to a place that is uncontrollable. Once the line is crossed too early... something that could have been a successful relationship turns into an enticing sexcapade. Ladies, believe it or not there are still some men out there who are willing to invest their time in you but you can make or break the situation. Men vibe off of what you give off. If your conversation is directed toward sex then they will obviously take it there as well. Don't play games because in the end it will back fire! Men, be clear of your intentions right off because if all you're wanting is sex then give women the option to participate, don't take the situation for granted. But if you are seriously interested in a woman, let her know. Express yourself freely and don't be afraid to open your heart and mind because as you know women love that! In closing... as the question "Can we talk" and then take advantage of the opportunity to possible fall in love! -Extra

Extra vs Sharmisa

I am sure that many people are wondering "Just what the hell is wrong with Extra"? Well, I am hoping to shed some light on both Extra and Sharmisa. The truth of the matter is that Extra is the super ego of Sharmisa. I, Sharmisa, am nothing like Extra; in fact I am the total opposite. For years and years of my life I have dealt with people picking on me and threatening me and over time I put up a defense recently named EXTRA by Ray j. Going on the show was a major step for me and I could have never completed the task without having morphed into EXTRA. Sure, may be I should have been myself but I wouldn't have lasted past the first episode if I had even been cast at all. I had to be EXTRA because she is not shy, she doesn't care about what people say about her, she is very aggressive and outgoing and I am none of these things. I am very shy when I first meet people meaning I am somewhat afraid of opening up right away. I do care about what people think of me, I am very humble and submissive and I do have a heart of gold. But too often my kindness has been taken for weakness and I was not willing to allow anyone to see the soft and nurturing side of me in a competition. I did have feelings for Ray J, but I found it most difficult to express them openly without seeming desperate. Honestly, the most desperate thing that someone can do for love is to go on a reality show. Did I need to go on the show to find love? May be. Did i really believe that Ray would like me? No. I believed that Ray would like Extra more because she is fun and spontaneous. I would have never "split" for Ray in a dress unless I was at a football game and I was head cheerleader. However, for entertainment purposes, I had to come out of my shell and be everything that i despise about women. Loud, classless, bossy, conceited, and willing to do almost anything for attention. People are correct in their perception of Extra for the most part. I would however like everyone to know that Extra and Sharmisa are tow different egos within one body. I am Sharmisa everyday, but in a setting where I feel threatened, i will become Extra. Read all about me at ExtraLuv.com